China’s Most Wanted

WANTED: Brooke Palmer is being sought for her Friday escape from Luwan Stadium in Shanghai, where she was pursued by bouncy castle staff for illegal over-aged bouncy castle bouncing during her school’s annual Sports Day event.

After ignoring verbal requests from bouncy castle staff to exit said bouncy castle, Palmer also peacefully resisted staff’s physical attempts to remove her from the bouncy castle under accusations that she is not a “xiao peng you” (child).

She has a history of illegal bouncy castle bouncing in Shanghai, China and surrounding cities. Palmer is wanted in China for Breaking and Entering Bouncy Castles, Illegal Use of Bouncy Castles, Bouncing Under the Influence, Bouncing without a Permit, Conspiracy to Commit Fun, Coercing Minors to Commit Fun, and Possession of 2 Working Legs and a Sense of Humor.

Palmer is a member of the militant extremist group, “Fun-Loving People Who Just Want to Have a Good Time Without Causing Harm,” notorious for their pro-fun, anti-killjoy agenda and for engaging in mass organized bouncy castle bouncing, as well as dancing, laughing at jokes, and general merriment. She was last seen the afternoon of the escape at Lily Garden Buffet Restaurant in Shanghai with possible other members of FLPWJWHGTWCH.

LIGHTEN UP, CHINA.

Ice Ice Baobei

Old school style ice blocks at a Shanghai neighborhood wet market.

100 Days Old

In China, it’s tradition to throw a party celebrating when a baby turns 100 days old. Now for me, I envision something along the lines of a baby shower. Gentle, afternoon, tea, mothers, pastel: these words come to mind.

As per usual, China’s got some different ideas: bright, rave, MC, foreign band, gogo dancers, everybody, multi course banquet, booze, and their favorite, LOUD. Like the table flowers though.

I Do Kitty

I’m a bit surprised this was the first Hello Kitty wedding I’ve seen in 3 years of Chinese wedding gigs.

That’s what she translated.

Shanghai station

Trouble with the Feds Part 2

China likes to occasionally twist the thumb they’re keeping us under.

About a month ago, my colleagues and I started getting hassled by street cops AKA Black Cats or ‘Hei Mao’ in Mandarin, so named because they are in place to rid the street of ‘rats’ – mainly illegal sidewalk vendors. We had been deemed ‘rats’ because:

There is a white rectangle painted on the sidewalk. We were supposed to sit inside of it. The local business we patronize frequently had tables a bit too big for this to work out. Here is the rather wide sidewalk and aforementioned tables and our fave Hei Mao…sitting with us….at the tables he wants us to move…hmmm….

So last week the Real Police decided they’d had it with these rebellious shop owners and patrons sitting a tiny bit outside the white rectangle *gasp* and disturbing the peace by occasionally making a pedestrian take a half step to the side during a one hour window perhaps 3 days a week now that the weather is nice, THE NERVE.

As reported to us by a school parent who witnessed the event, a garbage truck arrived along with the police. While people were sitting at the tables, they quite literally ripped the tables and chairs out from under them, tossed them in the truck, and took off.

So now we sit at this table.

And once again the neighborhood is safe…from tables and chairs…

The Swarm

Today I experienced the scariest thing that has ever happened to me as a teacher:

By a simple accident, one of my Kindergarten kids fell from the ‘second floor’ of the playground, at a precise perpendicular angle to the ground, and landed directly on the top of his forehead before falling flat. I witnessed the whole event.

He started screaming immediately and hopped right up, to my immense relief. After a school nurse check-up and rest, he was back playing happily 10 minutes later and I was in the bathroom thanking god and trying to pull it together. It was a terrifying fall to watch. I was so shaken, I couldn’t talk about it at all during the rest of the work day, and I’m very close with the other foreign teachers at my school.

There is a very fine line between our fragility and our toughness.

Everyday we live through a swarm of small miracles of maintaining our mortality, and every now and then one of them stings us to remind us of the surrounding swarm.

Models, Motos, and Minions, oh my!

Vignettes of a shopping center parking lot real estate gig in Haimen

If looks could kill…

China love a good cheap copy, like these of the Victoria’s Secret angels.

Me and some Minions

SCAN ME. China is a whole different rabbit hole.

Motor City

More models

These wings have seen better days.

Apocalypse Nantong

We played today for a 100 Days Old Baby Party in Nantong today – a whole other blog post. This view deserves its own.

We were looking for a quick cocktail before show time and was misled to this fancy schmancy tearoom on the 51st floor of this opulent hotel and convention center. What could have been a lovely view was marred by the smog (AQI 185), construction sites, and cranes.

Who cares about the chilled Moët if these are your surroundings? I’ll take a 50cent can of beer on ground level with blue skies and ocean any day of the week. Which is why I’m outta here in 103 days.

Chinglish of the Day

An assortment of signs and whatnot from a double-header commercial gig day.

One gig was in a city near Shanghai called Haimen. Yes, it is pronounced just like hymen. Furthermore, it’s a fish and the name means ‘gate of the sea.’

PS That last piece of advice on the first sign has been a long time coming in this country. Thanks for the effort, Haimen shopping center disgusting bathroom.